Hey all! Long time, no type, I know. It is probably going to be that way for a while though as life here in the Payne Family is busy, busy, busy.
I wanted to pop in and share a bit about what God has been whispering into my ear over the last week or so. No, contrary to the title, it doesn’t have to do with Disney’s Frozen. Sorry!
Before I start with my newest life lesson, I should update you a bit. I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom for almost 9 years now. During that time, I have both homeschooled and sent my children to public school. I have also taken online classes through Grand Canyon University to work on my Bachelor of Science in Psychology. Now, in just a few short days (9, but who’s counting?) I am going to be a part-time stay-at-home-mom and a full time student at Texas State University to work on my Bachelor of Arts in Family and Child Development and also my teaching certificate. This is really exciting for me and also a challenge. So here comes my very important lesson.
Certainly, you’re seen one of the memes that say, “LET GO AND LET GOD.” Well, that’s not exactly what God is saying to me. Yes, He is ultimately in control. And of course I should have my ultimate faith in Him, which it is most of the time. (Hey, I’m human, if I said all the time I’d be lying.) When my husband and I had been married just over 2 years, we went through a season of about 8 months where we were about 1000 miles apart except for a few weekends and short weeks at a time. During that time, God revealed to me that I had been relying on my husband for security rather than on Him. It was very humbling and such a relief to understand that I didn’t have to place all my faith in a human man who could not fulfill me 100%, no matter how awesome he happened to be. And trust me, my husband is pretty flipping awesome!
This time however, God is teaching me a different lesson. You see, I tend to be a bit of a control freak. That has worked out quite well for me as a stay-at-home-mom. It isn’t going to work out so well as a mom venturing back into the college world, however. As a full-time stay-at-home-mom, regardless of how my children were schooled or whether or not I was taking online classes, most of my days were spent either at home, running errands, or our with my family. Now, I will be spending a few days a week away from my home. My husband has recently taken a position in San Antonio where although he has more responsibility, he also has a bit more flexibility and will be able to pick up where I may have to leave off because of my academic responsibilities. I am going to have to let go of some of my control over the needs of my children and household and let my husband take care of those needs. Oh, man! I can’t even tell you the anxiety I have over it.
Let me reassure you that I know my husband is 100% capable of taking care of these responsibilities. I also whole-heartedly believe that husbands should take care of their share of child and household responsibilities when their wives are working in or out of the house (school counts as working for me as it will be taking up almost the same amount of time as a job). I just don’t want to give up that control. It is hard! God keeps reminding me though that “though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) As much as I would like to be able to do everything on my own, that is not God’s intention for me. He wants us to need each other’s help so that He can be glorified and we will be blessed when we receive that help. He wants me to LET GO AND LET MY HUSBAND.
Next Monday, I will get that chance. I start classes that day, but my 3 children do not start school until the following day. That means my husband has to take a personal day and spend the day at home. On top of that, the only day that was available for my kindergartener to get his required immunizations and my daughter to have her (much overdue) well child check up was that Monday. Of course! So on my first day of school, not only do I need to ask my husband to take a personal day from work, I also have to miss a doctor’s appointment for the first time as a mom. My Type A personality can’t handle this! Thankfully, the clinic had the new patient forms available on their website to download and print out so all he even needs to do is sign them in and ask the questions I have written out for him in the folder.
I will say it again, my husband is 100% capable of taking care of things while I am away. It’s not that I don’t trust him or even that he doesn’t want to do it. And it’s not like he hasn’t done it before. When our youngest was just a baby, he stayed home alone with all three kiddos while I was on a girls’ weekend getaway and they all did just fine. He even did our daughter’s hair and got to church early that Sunday. Seriously, if the guy is responsible enough to hang crazy-heavy things from the ceiling right above where hundreds of people sit, stand, and walk; he can handle 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 house cleaning schedule.
I guess part of my anxiety is that I really haven’t asked my husband to help with some of these things. I liked being in charge of them. I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want the help. Now I have to ask for the help because I really need it. I loathe being needy! But I’m going to let go anyway and let my husband help.
There’s a quote that goes something like, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” (I tried googling who said it, but it came up unknown.) I think the same can be said about a woman. As I strive for success and greatness in school and later in my career, I need the support of those closest to me. The greatest of those people is my husband. I know that just as I have supported him in his career goals and ambitions by staying home with our children so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it, he is willing to do the same for me now. I know that we really are equal partners and by not allowing him to do his part, I am actually harming both of us. So, I will trust God and LET GO AND LET MY HUSBAND. 🙂