Tag Archives: Church

Let It Go!

Hey all! Long time, no type, I know. It is probably going to be that way for a while though as life here in the Payne Family is busy, busy, busy.

I wanted to pop in and share a bit about what God has been whispering into my ear over the last week or so. No, contrary to the title, it doesn’t have to do with Disney’s Frozen. Sorry!

 

Before I start with my newest life lesson, I should update you a bit. I’ve been a stay-at-home-mom for almost 9 years now. During that time, I have both homeschooled and sent my children to public school. I have also taken online classes through Grand Canyon University to work on my Bachelor of Science in Psychology. Now, in just a few short days (9, but who’s counting?) I am going to be a part-time stay-at-home-mom and a full time student at Texas State University to work on my Bachelor of Arts in Family and Child Development and also my teaching certificate. This is really exciting for me and also a challenge. So here comes my very important lesson.

Certainly, you’re seen one of the memes that say, “LET GO AND LET GOD.” Well, that’s not exactly what God is saying to me. Yes, He is ultimately in control. And of course I should have my ultimate faith in Him, which it is most of the time. (Hey, I’m human, if I said all the time I’d be lying.) When my husband and I had been married just over 2 years, we went through a season of about 8 months where we were about 1000 miles apart except for a few weekends and short weeks at a time. During that time, God revealed to me that I had been relying on my husband for security rather than on Him. It was very humbling and such a relief to understand that I didn’t have to place all my faith in a human man who could not fulfill me 100%, no matter how awesome he happened to be. And trust me, my husband is pretty flipping awesome!

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This time however, God is teaching me a different lesson. You see, I tend to be a bit of a control freak. That has worked out quite well for me as a stay-at-home-mom. It isn’t going to work out so well as a mom venturing back into the college world, however. As a full-time stay-at-home-mom, regardless of how my children were schooled or whether or not I was taking online classes, most of my days were spent either at home, running errands, or our with my family. Now, I will be spending a few days a week away from my home. My husband has recently taken a position in San Antonio where although he has more responsibility, he also has a bit more flexibility and will be able to pick up where I may have to leave off because of my academic responsibilities. I am going to have to let go of some of my control over the needs of my children and household and let my husband take care of those needs. Oh, man! I can’t even tell you the anxiety I have over it.

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Let me reassure you that I know my husband is 100% capable of taking care of these responsibilities. I also whole-heartedly believe that husbands should take care of their share of child and household responsibilities when their wives are working in or out of the house (school counts as working for me as it will be taking up almost the same amount of time as a job). I just don’t want to give up that control. It is hard! God keeps reminding me though that “though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) As much as I would like to be able to do everything on my own, that is not God’s intention for me. He wants us to need each other’s help so that He can be glorified and we will be blessed when we receive that help. He wants me to LET GO AND LET MY HUSBAND.

Next Monday, I will get that chance. I start classes that day, but my 3 children do not start school until the following day. That means my husband has to take a personal day and spend the day at home. On top of that, the only day that was available for my kindergartener to get his required immunizations and my daughter to have her (much overdue) well child check up was that Monday. Of course! So on my first day of school, not only do I need to ask my husband to take a personal day from work, I also have to miss a doctor’s appointment for the first time as a mom. My Type A personality can’t handle this! Thankfully, the clinic had the new patient forms available on their website to download and print out so all he even needs to do is sign them in and ask the questions I have written out for him in the folder.

I will say it again, my husband is 100% capable of taking care of things while I am away. It’s not that I don’t trust him or even that he doesn’t want to do it. And it’s not like he hasn’t done it before. When our youngest was just a baby, he stayed home alone with all three kiddos while I was on a girls’ weekend getaway and they all did just fine. He even did our daughter’s hair and got to church early that Sunday. Seriously, if the guy is responsible enough to hang crazy-heavy things from the ceiling right above where hundreds of people sit, stand, and walk; he can handle 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 house cleaning schedule.

I guess part of my anxiety is that I really haven’t asked my husband to help with some of these things. I liked being in charge of them. I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want the help. Now I have to ask for the help because I really need it. I loathe being needy! But I’m going to let go anyway and let my husband help.

There’s a quote that goes something like, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” (I tried googling who said it, but it came up unknown.) I think the same can be said about a woman. As I strive for success and greatness in school and later in my career, I need the support of those closest to me. The greatest of those people is my husband. I know that just as I have supported him in his career goals and ambitions by staying home with our children so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it, he is willing to do the same for me now. I know that we really are equal partners and by not allowing him to do his part, I am actually harming both of us. So, I will trust God and LET GO AND LET MY HUSBAND. 🙂

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I’m Back: A Whole New Look for A Whole New Me

 Welcome to my new blog!

 

It has been way too long since I have blogged, I know. So much has happened in the past 10 months. I’ll try to sum it up as briefly as possible, and then I will get into why I have started a new blog with a new name.

 

Last I blogged, I had just moved to Austin from New Orleans. It was a stressful move and my husband’s new job was not exactly as wonderful as his employers had made it seem in the interview process. We had been told that Austin was very similar to New Orleans. Not quite. Sure there’s good food, but it’s BBQ, Tex-Mex, and Breakfast Tacos rather than Po-Boys, Seafood, and Beignets. Austin is the self-proclaimed Live Music Capital of the World (or something like that), but New Orleans has way more (and better) live music. I had thought New Orleans drivers were bad, but Austinites are just ridiculous! Austin’s slogan is “Keep Austin Weird” (I have no idea if that is official or not). I came to the conclusion one night while out on a date with my husband that Austin is kind of like New Orleans’ nerdy little sister: it’s often just trying way too hard to be cool and it is very obvious.

But Austin is growing on me and there are some very good benefits to living here and there are a lot of things that I do like about living here. For one thing, I LOVE that our neighborhood is very multi-cultural. New Orleans is still very culturally segregated, and that really makes me so very sad. Austin also has a LOT of hills, which have been very beneficial to my running routine. I already mentioned the BBQ, Tex-Mex, and Breakfast Tacos. We have found an amazing church where my husband is now on staff as the Technical Director. It was a huge blessing for him to be able to take the job there. We have started making some amazing friends. The kids have awesome teachers at their new school and even have a few classmates/friends in the neighborhood that they play with on the weekends. And most importantly, this is where God has told us we are to be. Oh, and the Texas sky is just gorgeous at almost any point in time.

See what I mean?! Gorgeous!

See what I mean?! Gorgeous!

 

When we first moved here, I had just started on a low-dose birth control pill that the doctor had insisted was the only thing that would help my would help the hormonal problems I had been having. Against my better judgment, I started taking them because I let her degree cause me to second guess myself. It was a disaster! It fixed a couple of the physical problems (by masking them) but caused even more emotional problems. It kicked me into a major depression and I gained almost 20 pounds. I ended up quitting the BC and reading The Hormone Cure by Dr. Sara Gottfried. It took a while to get myself straightened out after the BC, and I’m still tweaking things a bit, but I have begun to lose some of the weight I put on as well as add back some of the muscle I lost while depressed and not working out. I have completed a Couch to 5K running plan and now I am onto a plan that will (hopefully) have me running  a 10K in under 60 minutes. I am well on my way there as I ran 4.06 (that 0.06 is important, yo!)  miles this morning with a pace of 9:48 minutes/mile. Most importantly, my emotional state is so much better! It is more steady and not so up and down like it was while on the BC and just after quitting.

 

Ok, so now onto WHY I have changed my blog name and focus:

 

Honestly, the reason I changed blogs is because God told me to. My old blog was mine, and only mine. This blog belongs to Him. You see, when I started up my old blog, I was focused primarily on the external aesthetics (mainly mine). But God wants my focus on the internal, because that’s where His focus is. He cares more about my spiritual state than my physical state. He cares more about my attitude than my performance.

This new blog is going to focus on all the areas in our lives that we need to nourish and work out. Yep, keeping our physical bodies healthy is important, but it is not more important than being spiritually healthy or having healthy relationships or being emotionally healthy or having a healthy control of our finances or… well, you get the idea. Food and fitness are just one part of a very big picture. They are just one part of my very full life, a life I would like to share with you.

My goal is to post at least twice a week. Some will be short while others will be more in-depth. I will still mainly be posting about my fitness routine and foods, but I have some other areas I’d like to blog about as well. My old blog felt very restrictive. I made it into a place where I didn’t feel I had the freedom to branch out into other areas. I’d pigeonholed myself.  Now, I will be blogging about faith, family, friends, fitness, food, and fun!